Day ?

Everything is all fucked up.  I don't know what day this is supposed to be or how many days I have left.  I do know that I should not have stayed up all night watching season 2 of Lost at some point.  The most pathetic thing about that is that I had already scoured Wikipedia for spoilers in order to ruin the show for myself and prevent getting addicted to it.  I knew what was going to happen in advance and still I just watched episode after episode all night.  I think the problem is, with these types of shows, things of consequence happen so rarely that it takes half a season just to advance the plot a tiny bit (or, like in Game of Thrones, one thing happens and the rest of the book is just filler).  Meanwhile, most of the show is filled with people getting angry and dramatic with each other.  It seems like regardless of whichever show I'm watching, we always have to have a cast full of Type A people that mistrust and lie to each other and make poor decisions and are horrible team players.  No two characters can get a long for an extended period of time, because I guess that's not dramatic enough.  None of these fuckers act the way I would act.  Oh, hey we found a plane!  Lets not tell anyone about it, or secure it with ropes to prevent it from falling off the cliff.  Lets just send up an idiot to shift the weight around a lot so he'll die and the equipment--and the fucking plane--become unsalvageable.  And the lie about what happened for no good reason.  Great decision making, really.  Ironically, I'm already bored with Lost.  It ruined my productivity and now I'm not even interested in watching it.  I'm about to watch the episode where Michael goes after Walt and the "Others" kidnap the hot chick to make the good guys give up their guns.  Every time I think about sitting through that I choose to do something else.  Watching TV is supposed to be a mindless exercise that gives my mind a break in between coding sessions.  Therefore, I have switched to re-watching episodes of Star Trek:  The Next Generation.  I have already seen them, and I already know what will happen, so it takes no brainpower to just sit there on my couch for a while.

Thanks to Lost, my sleep schedule is completely off.  I've been going to bed after 5am and waking up at 11 or 12.  And not getting much work done.  Especially at night--the time between 2 and 5 am is typically spent lying in bed trying to figure out why i can sleep--which often involves getting up around 4 to eat some cheese and surf reddit because even though I can't sleep I'm too tired to code.

So far I have managed to lift every day, but my left leg still huts if I do too much walking.  Days are slipping by without getting much work done.  I have a web payments portal partly started.  We are using Stripe because it looked easy to learn.  I'm having trouble learning anything, though, because whenever I try to concentrate and do design and learning at the same time (which I have to do, in order to learn stripe while implementing our payments portal), my mind feels like its underwater and I can't concentrate on anything.  Nothing seems to help;  tv, videogames, going for walks, nothing.  So far I've been powering through but my productivity is a fraction of what it was a few days ago.  I can't decide if its worth it to sacrifice an entire day to deliberately resting.  Even if it is worth it--what would I do?

I think what's really bothering me is that next week I have to go back to work, and I really, really don't want to.  Kind of need to though; I think we've established that I'm not very good at working completely on my own yet.  However, I really hate working for M$.  I've heard that my android project is back on.  Maybe.  They people in charge are still having trouble making up their minds.