Crickets

The app we are making for this company I am helping to launch requires a way to synchronize data across the devices in a client heavy manner (so the device can work offline).  After scouring the internets, I couldn't find anyone offering a simple lightweight solution for this, even though it seems like something most apps would need.

Therefore, the best option was to write my own.  I chose to use PHP and Mysql because I happen to know them and because unlike Java/C# they are supported on the cheapass webhosting I have that costs almost nothing compared to AWS and Azure.

I didn't have the time or interest in relearning PHP, though, so I tried to pawn it off on the internets.  I wrote up a quick gig posting and posted it on craigslist, which included a stern warning that I would delete any responses that mentioned "search engine optimization" and was soon inundated with responses from hopeful PHP coders.  Some seemed to think that appearing to be part of a company made them more attractive.  A lot of the responses were form letters talking about "my website" when all I really needed was an API implemented over HTTP.  Fun fact:  internally, a certain large online retailer believes, to its core, that most of its programmers are too dumb to deal with HTTP directly.  I really, really wish I was kidding.

Now here is a key detail:  the service I need written is a single php page that hits a simple mysql database with two tables.  There's no "web page" -- just a couple of APIs with yes or no answers.  I wrote a spec and emailed it back to most of the coders.  I was a little worried one of them would realize what I was trying to do, steal my idea, build a service and sell it (which actually would have been great;  I could just pay them then).  But that's when the ironic thing happened.  Out of the 20 or so interested parties....I got one response.  And they wanted $500.  To write one script.  Probably a page and a half of php code.  More importantly:  no one else could even do it.


Lately, and after realizing I don't have time to go code everything, I have been training myself to handle more project management and people management, including getting other people to code for us.  It seems that I have a long way to go here, and I might be better off just writing most things myself.  This is a problem because I have a day job.

On the bright side, the simple act of writing up a spec for the work we need done made my business partner's day.  Compared to everything else I've been doing, it is amazing how little work it was and how much recognition I get for it.

Bullshit

This item is available because of the new Add-on program

The Add-on program allows Amazon to offer thousands of low-priced items that would be cost-prohibitive to ship on their own. These items ship with qualifying orders over $25 and are eligible for free shipping.


You know why the above paragraph is bullshit?  Because I just found it on an item in my order history, one I had ordered before the "add on" program existed.

My personal guess is the add on program is really away to get people to consciously try to spend more money (in order to hit that magic $25 mark) like we did before we had prime and were trying to get the $25 for super saver shipping.  I.E. its a way for them avoid losing money on their prime program, which previously gave you two day shipping on anything you ordered.  Now you only get two day shipping on things that are big enough.

Well played, Amazon.

ROI

Its been 8 days since our breakup, and I still miss her.  This is a problem.  What I'd like do to, is come up with a way to measure how much I miss being with a certain person, and then record that over time, and then do something like go to a strip club, and see if that has any measurable impact over how much I miss her.  Or trying a new experience, such as sailing, and seeing what effect that has.  My hypothesis is that this idea is a complete waste of time.  I'll try it at my next breakup.


1. Body
-priority zero:  stop having skinny body type (switch from ectomorph to mesomorph)
-arms top priority
-chest mid priority
-something called a V?
-abs low priority

2.  Clothing (depends on 1)
-start wearing clothes again that I got too fat for
-wear dress shirts that never looked good before because I was too skinny
-invest in good clothes

3.  Profile pictures (depends on 1 and 2)
Based on a random analysis (i.e. reading reddit) on what girls are attracted to, I need the following profile pictures on facebook and all of the dating sites I use:

• pic showing me awesome at doing something with my hands
• me driving a stick shift
• me gooey-eyed and cuddling with an animal (child would be good, but bad impression on dating sites)
• me playing guitar (one that is faked to make it look like I didn't arrange to have it taken, even though I will have)
• trip pics of me in faraway, mostly european, and very photogenic places
• pics raising arms up so shirt exposes skin just above belt.  Idk why they think this is attractive.
• me in a suit (probably just rent it) - claim its mad men night
• forearms in foreground
• maybe a pic of me helping out in a disaster, being all sweet on some kid whose ethnicity clearly demonstrates they are not mine
• me on a sportbike (this one is my own idea)

4. ???

5.  I was told there would be girls.


Unfortunately, I can't even get past step 1.  After cutting soda completely from my diet, and going to the gym almost daily, the rate of my weight loss is about about 1 pound per week.  I'm trying to increase that rate, but doing so with time constraints (i.e. dont have time to walk for miles every day) means pushing my lower and upper body to the cusp of injury.  It is very frustrating to me that there are things I can do with girls for [time span no one believes] but thirty minutes of running or tens of pushups is all it takes to start tearing ligaments.  You know how many calories you burn running for only half an hour?  Way less than the 3500.  I mean I'd be happy if I could just get to 1200 calories in one sitting--a pound every three days would be an acceptable rate of change.  Still not great--would probably take two months to get abs--but it would be acceptable.

My brief interactions with personal trainers suggest that they think we need them for motivation.  But I need no such motivation.  It took nothing more than declaring that a fit body would have a positive effect on my chances of sex in the future for my brain to do the equivalent of rolling the throttle all the way on until the engine breaks.  As far as I'm concerned, all I need from a PT is to tell me where the red line is.  On that note, swimming might work, but my current, overpriced gym, for all its convenience, does not have a pool.

So.

Its clear to me, that hard work is not the only element in getting more fit.  It also takes time.  Apparently muscles grow faster than tendons and ligaments, so the second element that is required is time.  In fact, according to one source I've read, it takes two years of heavy lifting for the body to start producing muscle growth hormones at seriously elevated rates.  Two fucking years.  I was supposed to be done with this running/lifting phase by...yesterday, really.  Anyway.

I need to modify my plan so that looking fit is not a prerequisite for anything, despite my strong desire to be able to walk into a store and actually fit into a dress shirt.  Here are some alternative activities for meeting girls:

1. Salsa, again
2. Yoga
3. Zumba
4. I stopped putting effort into this post two paragraphs ago.
5. etc.

These have another problem:  ROI.  I don't have much time now, even though I quit the band and am single.  Anything I just mentioned requires me to decided an entire night every week.  For what?  Possibly hooking up with one girl in the class?  I'm not entirely sure its worth that much time.

So....I don't really have a conclusion.  Or a plan.

Rent, Again

I just received a 3 day eviction threat from my apartment.  For not paying enough rent, apparently.  I pay via direct deposit.  I thought I was learning from past mistakes when I deliberately chose an apartment based on their acceptance of direct deposit as a payment method.

I realize, since this is the second apartment complex that it has happened at, that the common element is me, but I find it very frustrating that automatic rent payments are not a solved problem.  Also, I am getting a little scared of renting in washington state.  There was no previous notice about the eviction threat.  Nothing on my door, phone, email.  If I had been on a trip, or simply hadn't checked my mailbox for a day or two, I could have been in default of my rent, gotten evicted, and had all of my personal belongings seized without even knowing about it.



For my own records, in case it came to that:

1.  found eviction thread in my mailbox on 2013-5-22.
1a.  it was dated 2013-5-20
1b. claimed that a notice was posted on my door on 2013-5-21 but I never saw a notice there

...and thats it.

Ok, actually the picture doesn't look to bad if my landlord follows the law.

On Avocados

Avocados, despite their horrible taste and nauseating texture, are a fruit, somehow, that my ex-girlfriend likes.  Now that we are broken up I feel the need to talk all kinds of shit about them.  Fuck Avocados.  Given their smoother texture and nutritious contents and the fact that they taste slightly less disgusting than kale, they are on deck for the requisite vegetable in my morning smoothies.  Now I know they aren't a real vegetable, but based on the way they taste I've decided they count.  Also they have a ton of nutrients and not too much sugar.

Only problem is, a banana can cover up the taste of a few leaves of kale but it is no match for an entire avocado.  Next time I experiment I think I will try half.  Which means:

-frozen strawberries
-frozen blueberries
-protein powder
-banana
-HALF an avocado

That might actually taste good.  If not, we can try quarters or just go back to kale.

There is a good chance I will throw up before finishing this smoothie.

+1 to Ambivalence

Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it.

--Bruce Lee.

Thought I would try to learn from past mistakes.  That's why I didn't mention her until now.  Surprisingly...we've only been dating for 3 months.  It felt like longer.  I'm grateful for that;  I would like everything I do to feel like it took longer, because life is just going faster and faster and I need a way to slow it down.

I have good news to report though:  this may have been my first normal breakup.  She didn't dump me for not liking her dog.  She didn't cry for four hours after reading my blog.  She didn't give up because I'm an emotionless robot.  I didn't fall in love only to discover she's hooking up with the salsa teacher (although this time time that would have been hot; my salsa teacher is a girl).  There were no epic mismatches in understanding or awful quotes that will never be forgotten.  It simply didn't work out.  There was a little bit of that shit where I didn't know what to say, but that passed.  I was able to speak, although the words that came out sounded more like a line from Donald Draper than something I would say.

This time I had seen it coming.  I'm noticing a pattern:  when every little thing starts bothering them, and they make no effort to hang out with you, etc, you no you're in trouble.

What's definitely missing is that soul crushing weight.  Every other time it felt like some fat dwarf had looped an iron chain over my lungs and was just hanging around on it with all of their weight.  All I could think about was how awful it was, and what I could do to distract myself, to stop feeling anything.

This time...almost nothing.  I felt a little...I feel sad about it ending.  I will miss what we had.  I will miss having someone there, who is always with you.  I will miss her.  She was a really good person and we had a good thing going.  I hope everything works out for her and she finds success in her career and her relationships.  Along with that, though, I feel a sense of hope, but real hope this time.  There is a world full of cute, girls out there, and I know I will meet another one.  Or rediscover one I used to know.  Or both.  I mean, for serious, lets definitely not rule out both.  Not mandatory.  Just an option.  Or two new ones.  Or two old ones.  I mean, whatever.  All I'm saying is, this is going to be my time.  I'm a little afraid, because I won't have long before the confidence and...anti-loneliness I've gained from being in a healthy relationship with a cool girl fades away under the monotony of sleeping alone every night.  Trying to breathe while your single is a lot of work, a sort of never-ending rat race that leaves you physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, but I'm ready to play.  I have a lot of options...take a photography class?  Yoga?  Zumba?  Go hardcore with salsa?  Start going to concerts alone with nothing but a bag of weed and a condom?  Ride a motorcycle across the country?  Get my flying license current and buy a jet?  I just need to plan my next move.


I think I will buy some Legos.

Sick of the Corporate Ladder

FYI:  I wrote a version of this a while ago and don't think I published it, but apologies if this is repeated material.

I don't know if I'm a failure, or if working for the big companies is actually not as great as I thought, or if I am getting tired of programming despite my continuing desire to be more awesome at it.  I don't think its the third option, but regardless, I am getting sick of working for big companies.

They act all excited, and go on about their own lame ass take on corporate culture, which despite seeming very different from every other tech company will always have that common element of trying to milk as much work out of you as possible.

They do it with this mandatory RPG game called "career management" or "performance management" or "rhythm of the business" and it sucks.  You have to make all these people like you and accrue all these different accomplishments despite not actually having much choice in what you work on.  Sometimes there's a fork in the road, and you can choose right instead of left.  Sometimes you find out that there was a fork in the route and your manager chose left for you.  In this example, left always leads to shitty ass boring work that does not lead to anything you can use for your resume or the corporate RPG game.  Also, they use these stupid ass tools (and some stupid ass business processes).  Either its not of-the-shelf software and likely sucks, OR it is [normally expensive] off the shelf software, but has so many unnecessary bells and whistles on it that it takes hours just to figure out how to do something, and simple things that probably everyone [who isnt an idiot] would want to do, like incrementing the build number and putting that in the version info of the dll are not obvious, or even supported.  Another example:  getting a list of files in your working directory that aren't known to your source control software:  surprisingly difficult in some of them.  Yet another example:  having a deployment system that can roll back the software you just deployed to production.  That one should have been a no brainer.

So.  What do you do if you're looking to break the corporate cycle?  I have spent a lot of time thinking about this.  What follows are some options that I actually like.

1.  Join/create a startup.  Pretty much everyone's dream if they don't have a family yet.

2.  Create/own one or more businesses that make some money without your direct involvement.  Described in The 4-Hour Workweek.

3.  Accumulate assets that make you money.  Stocks, bonds, rental houses, etc.  Live frugally in order to "retire" ridiculously early and live off of interest.  Described in Rich Dad Poor Dad and a blog called Mr Money Mustache.  If I could just win the millenium prize I would be mostly there....

4. Kickstarter:  you can quit your job only if the kickstarter gets funded, and if you're successful, continue to do whatever projects you want, so you never get bored.

5.  Invent a time machine and go back in time to invest in bitcoin :(

On UI Programming Time Estimates

Time taken to make a picture of a face line up with a blue rectangle:  1 hour.

How it Works: Bars and Gender

In Seattle there are two bars that are related in a way most people wouldn't expect.

Cowgirls is a country themed top 40 bar.  Girls wearing only jean shorts and shirts dance on tables and on the bar itself, hips gyrating to the music as they show off their bodies.  Their legs and midriffs are exposed.  The bar is super crowded with writhing swarms of drunk people.  Straight men enjoy looking at the women.  If they tried to inappropriately touch one, they'd get kicked out.  Moving through the crowd is a chore;  girls will probably get touched "by accident."  The people who go here are automatically considered white trash.

R Place is a gay bar, which means it has a gender ratio that is almost as bad as a computer science classroom.  Boys wearing only thongs dance on tables, hips gyrating to the music as they show off their bodies.  Their legs, chest, and sometimes upper buttocks are exposed, and you can't unsee that shit.  The bar is super crowded with writhing swarms of drunk people.  Straight girls enjoy staring at, and inappropriately touching, the men.  Moving through the crowd is a chore;  boys will probably be touched "by accident" for a very prolonged and shame-lacking amount of time.  The people who go here are automatically considered awesome and so great.

On paper, these bars might seem like simple inverses of each other.  Not so.

Cowgirls is a trashy, misogynistic bar that exploits women and something something something gender roles.  Expressing an interest in going here means you are an uncouth villain who hates all women everywhere.

R Place is the best place to dance, and gay guys are so great, and if you express an interest in going there you are a good person have good taste in bars, etc.  In fact if you express anything less than enthusiasm about dancing there, well then you're just homophobic son.  Welcome to Capitol Hill.

That, my friends, is how it works.

On Heart Rates

max heart rate = 220 - ${current age}

max target heart rate = ${max heart rate} * .85

lower target = ${max heart rate} * .50



Fun facts:

According to these calculators if you weight 188 pounds:

Walking at 10% at 3.5mph for 30min is roughly the same burn as running 5mph for 30min.

That calculation doesnt take into account the fact that I run at 2% to ease the strain on my legs.  Apparently 36 minutes of "moderate" stationary biking is not too far behind, but I have no idea how the word "moderate" relates to the resistance number I see on the stationary bike.

I think whats really important is that if I want to start biking to work, I have to be able to bike 11.4 miles, which will take me 1h 24min according to google.

Veggies Don't Have Carbs!

Fuck Keto.

More precisely, fuck ketogenic diets.

I mean, they are great for other people;  other people who are not me.  I will not be going on a keto diet.  The first hint that I would not be doing a keto diet wasn't, in fact, the stomach pains I felt as a result of eating too much ham that morning and the previous night.  No, it was when I realized I was about to pass out as I stumbled around safeway searching for a shrimp platter.  What does a shrimp platter have to do with weight lifting?  I'm glad you asked.

You see, I had decided to start this diet as soon as possible, because I was worried about the adjustments to my life.  No carbs.  So my dinner was ham.  The next morning:  4 eggs.  Also ham.  Strangely, despite eating ridiculous amount of food, by 10:30 I was already hungry for my morning doughnut, which I did not partake.  By the time lunch rolls around, I am starving.  The PT insisted that he like, new microsoft cafeteria food, and they had no-carb foods, so the caf wasn't an excuse.  I found one thing with no carbs:  the salad bar.  So, obviously, I loaded up a bunch of plants into a container and then soaked them in balsamic vinegar.  I did this because all of the good salad dressings have carbs, and to my knowledge balsamic vinegar is the only healthy dressing I can stand to eat.  Unfortunately, being super hungry makes me tend to overdo everything.  I reflected on this as I did my best to choke down plants and onion slices that were thoroughly soaked in vinegar.  Still, I kept my good attitude.  If this is what it takes to have muscles without switching gyms or finding a reasonable PT, well then this is what it takes.

I was already hungry again as we left the cafeteria.  Too hungry to work.  And all the snacks, everywhere, especially the ones I wanted to eat in great amounts, had carbs.  All I had was a list of foods that I would have to go home and cook.  In my cloudy mental state the only food I could think of that I could eat without going home and cooking was shrimp--specifically the overpriced cocktail shrimp they sell for the lazy rich at supermarkets.  And that's when I left for safeway.  Safeway was where I made the decision to start rationalizing giving up the stupid diet, but I didn't want to do so right away because I had spent at least 16 hours of my life exercising self control, and I wanted something more to show for it, damnit!

It wasn't until I had eaten an entire block of mozzarella cheese and a platter of (what turned out fo be frozen) shrimp and still felt ridiculously hungry that I admitted I wasn't going to do this.  In the abstract, sure, I can commit.  In real life?  No.  I can't concentrate on computer code if all I can think about is how hungry I am while stuffing my face with foods that will be unpleasant later.  I can't do my job in that state.

By 4:30, I talked to the kitchen and drank an entire mountain dew.  It was the most delicious mountain dew I have ever had in my entire life, and in fact will probably remain the most delicious mountain dew I've ever had, because I'm not trying keto again.

Here's a list of keto side effects, in no particular order:

1.  keto flu:  you feel sick and have no energy, because of keto
2.  constipation
3.  light-headedness
3b. salt defficiency, potassium deficiency, etc
4. Heart Arrhythmia
5. sugar cravings
6.  Lets just go back to Heart Arrhythmia again.  Heart Arrhythmia.

I know longer care if the guy who was going to be my personal trainer thinks I am lazy, or weak, or...whatever emotion type A do-everything-at-once people associate with this decision.  I don't care if he will refuse to teach me how to lift properly.  I will find another way to learn how to lift.  I will read it in a book, or watch videos, or switch gyms, or say screw weights and just rock climb instead.

That being said--the ketogenic diet still does hold some interest for me.  I actually do plan to limit the amount of carbohydrates I eat.  I am hoping to, with sufficient exercise, still reap the benefits of having my body switch to fat-burning mode.  The reason I think this is doable is because most vegetables don't have much carbs, which means meat and veggies is a keto friendly meal.  I can handle that.

Or, really, maybe I'll just live on soda and doritos.  I was actually fine with [mostly] cutting soda completely out of my diet.  Sure, I missed it, but there are more important things in life.   Until today.  All I want for Christmas is a thousand six packs of mountain dew.

Veggies Don't Have Carbs?

My personality notwithstanding, fixing my frail looking body is probably the last of the things about myself that I've wanted to fix my whole life.  I mean, maybe not having girls accuse me of being an emotionless robot anymore would be a nice-to-have, but its mostly the lack of muscles.

So I finally met with a personal trainer.

Aside from random friends making dubious promises about showing me how to lift, working with a personal trainer seemed like the only option.  I don't know any of the lifts, and most of them require a spotter.  Sure, some people can get a way without a spotter, but those people know what they are doing.  So I showed up to the gym hoping to learn a little about lifting, and get shown some technique.  And that's where things went horribly wrong.

I asked the trainer about showing me how to lift, and he made me back up and tell him what my real goal was, and then he told me that I had to come into the gym at least three times a week and also change my entire diet, every meal, all at once, and immediately.  I explained my preference for gradual changes and he interpreted it as laziness.  I get frustrated in situations like these, because I can tell the person I am talking to is mistaking what I'm saying for something different that they hear all the time, and I've never been able to articulate the delta.  So its sudden changes for me, and goodbye smoothies (for now).

Being one of those guys that does weird shit with meals and protein all this other crazy stuff to maximize their lifting was definitely not my goal, at all.  I don't want to become a weightlifting guy.  I just want to lift a couple weights once a week.  Unfortunately, at least according to him, once a week won't bring any progress.

He showed me two lifts, but with all of the crazy all or nothing talk, I was definitely regretting my decision.  However, I have regretted, and almost quit, a lot of things.  For example, I really wanted to quit flying lessons before I got my license, and I'm glad I didn't.  Also, I really, really, really wanted to quit Amazon, about once a month (I literally was on the verge of quitting by the end of every on-call week), but I'm glad I didn't it because the experience was worth it.

So, I imagine this weight lifting bullshit is going to suck ass, but will be worth it in the long run.

And its more than I can afford, however, the way I am looking at it is the part where he teaches me how to do certain lifts is the investment;  if I can learn the lifts well, that knowledge should save me plenty of money in the future when I can lift on my own.  If not, I've certainly wasted more money on dumber shit than this.

Oh, also, today I learned that most vegetables dont have carbs somehow.  I'm pretty sure I assumed they had carbs my whole life.  So that's new.

Thin Privilege is not having a suspect die when you sit on them.

Thin privilege is not having a fat-shaming suspect die on you after you sit on her.  She wouldn't have died if a thin cop sat on her!  Why should she die just because a fat cop sat on her?

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2013/05/02/japanese-woman-accidentally-killed-heavy-set-police-officer/

Society is so unfair.   Fat cops should be able to sit on anyone they like without the fear that their sheer weight will kill the person.

How to replace a 2001 Aprilia falco battery

You need:

5 mm hex
10 mm socket
8 mm socket ( or Phillips) for terminals and the annoying screw

And you will have to reach underneath for that one pain in the ass bolt.  Don't forget to put it back on.
And just do the rest from memory.  I'm typing on my phone, so my future self you can just stop being a bitch and figure it out again.

[Edit]
Time taken:  1 hour 10 min

Don't judge me.

On Bicycles

Bike rack that fits STI?

How to tell what size bicycle frame you need

Being 6' 1" i am apparently 185.5 cm

and based on my own (probably erroneous) leg measurements I have about 82 cm leg length.

So I apparently need a frame 56 cm / 22"