I'd already postponed the day I give notice a number of times. I came into work today thinking that if I postponed any more, it would never happen. Then I found out my manager rescheduled our 1on1. Though I know that waiting until a 1on1 to give notice for the manager's scheduling convenience is dwarfed by enormous inconvenience of having to replace me, doing so continues to be my M.O. when quitting.
It was not an easy conversation to have, at all. When I left Amazon, well, I had a brand new manager that was just parroting what the other managers said (probably a good move for him), so I didn't give a fuck what he thought. But my current manager...that was hard. His leadership has had a significant influence on my growth as a dev, a project manager, and a people manager. It felt like dumping someone, like I was abandoning him/them. I was actually in the middle of composing my list of reasons when he walked into my office unexpected, and I kind of just told him, without any of the poise I had been saving up.
And then I had to send out the email to the team, and copy HR, and then everyone came over to talk to me. People were apparently quite surprised. I guess I've learned to hide my discontent.
So...I am quite fearful about the future, but also quite excited. Nothing is going to be the same.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
A Tale of Two Prisons
I was left to my own devices
Many days fell away with nothing to show
And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love (...'love' is a rather strong word though)
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above
But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
I wonder what process people go through when escaping from prison. How do they decide when to go? When do they know their plan is going to work? Do any of them stay in there forever because their plan just isn't quite right yet?
My own escape is...proceeding. I have a general plan in my head. The details are constantly changing, because the future continues to surprise me. Also, I appear to lack the ability to focus on more than one thing at a time. I can handle quitting the day job, but I can't balance that against the right time to move home, or really any meaningful intelligence on the startup. Now that the vacation is over and I am back to effectively trying to tackle two jobs at once, it is more than I can handle. My focus is blown, I can barely get work done at work, and when I come home, I don't have the energy to do anything other than watch TV shows.
And then other stuff happened.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
On Philanthropy
Yeah, so, I'm a big fan of lending club or whatever, because in theory people are lending directly to other people, cutting out certain entities who can break the law without going to jail because they are too big to fail.
There is a similar thing for donating. Its actually micro loans for the "developing world," so you technically aren't giving away your money, however you aren't given the interest (because its given to the partner organizations or something), so you are giving away its time-value or whatever its called.
Anyway, if you want to help out other people, here is my referral link. Kiva said it would "give" me $25 in my account if someone clicks on that, which makes me skeptical, because where does the $25 come from?
Anyway, since we are on the topic, there is also donorschoose.org which I know about because of some TED talk that was apparently not inspiring enough to remember much about it, except for...oh wait its coming back to me. Some guy did some experiments and found that when people spend $5 on themselves, it doesn't really increase their happiness. However, when they spend $5 on other people, it does increase their happiness. Also, the amount of money you spend on other people doesn't matter regarding the happiness, so I typically choose to be a cheapskate and give them like $20.
There is a similar thing for donating. Its actually micro loans for the "developing world," so you technically aren't giving away your money, however you aren't given the interest (because its given to the partner organizations or something), so you are giving away its time-value or whatever its called.
Anyway, if you want to help out other people, here is my referral link. Kiva said it would "give" me $25 in my account if someone clicks on that, which makes me skeptical, because where does the $25 come from?
Anyway, since we are on the topic, there is also donorschoose.org which I know about because of some TED talk that was apparently not inspiring enough to remember much about it, except for...oh wait its coming back to me. Some guy did some experiments and found that when people spend $5 on themselves, it doesn't really increase their happiness. However, when they spend $5 on other people, it does increase their happiness. Also, the amount of money you spend on other people doesn't matter regarding the happiness, so I typically choose to be a cheapskate and give them like $20.
The Hard Way: Coding without a Handicap
The Good News:
My business partner has been pleasant to deal with ever since we signed the operating agreement. Even better, her competence has grown steadily with each new thing she tackles, and so far she's managed to take care of everything that doesnt involve actually building the product. When we have business meetings I no longer feel like I'm talking to an idiot; I feel like I'm talking to a partner.
The Bad News:
Unfortunately, we've hit yet another snag. The one beta tester we had lined up backed out shortly before we gave her a test version. I thought this beta tester had an independent practice with her own clients, but apparently she actually works in multiple spas and doesn't feel right putting those customers in our system...which is obviously how she should feel, since those aren't her customers. I'm a little alarmed she was even going to consider doing that.
It was after this event that my business partner mentioned there might not be many estheticians who are independent. In fact...its possible that they all work in spas. This is a rather large revelation, since our current feature set is only complete for an independent, single-user situation. Multiple users is the next milestone.
I'm starting to think that maybe the reason new business often fail is simple the fact that people chronically underestimate how difficult it will be.
The Very Bad News:
Panera Bread no longer sells the Cuban Sandwich. I am lost and alone now, without hope. The scariest thing, actually, isnt that I couldn't get the Cuban today, and won't be able to tomorrow...its the fact that I may never get a Panera Cuban Sandwich again. The last time I ate one I just scarfed it down--I didn't stop and relish how delicious it was. I just ate it, having no idea that it would be my last one. I don't even remember when that was! Thats the worst thing about this whole situation.
The Plan:
It seems the difficulty of this enterprise is only increasing. I want to put off quitting my job, especially considering the fact that we no longer have a beta tester lined up (there is another potential, but nothing solid yet). However, trying to work two jobs again has drained all of the enthusiasm generated over Christmas break. My brain feels like its in a constant fog, and I have trouble concentrating and staying motivated, especially since being back on the 9-5 schedule means I'm using weekends to work instead of taking a rest. The TV shows and video games I was using to recharge my brain have lost their effectiveness, possibly because to be effective I constantly have to expose myself to new content. Taking walks does still work, fortunately, but I only seem to realize that "going for a walk" is effective after I've done it. When I'm pacing around my apartment unable to think straight, the idea of spending an hour "going for a walk" just feels like a waste of time.
What does all this mean? I think I am going to wait until the Android project at work is stopped/canceled again, which should happen early feb. Then I will give notice for leaving. I don't know why, but quitting while working on those other projects that I fucking hate makes me feel no guilt for quitting. Perhaps it is because I only feel guilty because I never gave my manager strong enough hints that "lack of android work" = "me leaving." I was partly unable to do so, because I knew there was nothing he could do about the lack of android work, or the more important fact that this thing is never going to be publicly released--an expected notch in my resume that led to me moving to the Android project in the first place. Anyway, what was I supposed to do, give him some kind of ultimatum? I don't think that is an acceptable move in this particular situation. Hmm...I should probably at least tell him that I'm willing to put the SDK in my programs, and to work part time and remotely. I doubt that matters.
So. Looks like I won't be quitting the job until February, which means I won't be back on the East Coast by Feb. Kind of like how I wasn't back on the East Coast by Christmas, or November, or my 30th Birthday, or October, or August before that. If I quit in Feb, I promised my business partner at least 2 months of me, in Seattle, working on the start up full time, before moving home and possibly taking a job. So I guess end of march/early april is the next date.
My business partner has become more knowledgeable regarding getting funding, though. Six months ago she was just quoting random shit that self-styled venture capitalist gurus were spouting on some blogs. Now? She's coming to me with specific organizations that do angel and venture funding for startups whose criteria match what we are doing. If that happens, I could take a salary and do this full time indefinitely, and not worry about getting another job. Then again, getting venture capital will probably mean switching from LLC to C Corp and rewriting the Operating Agreement, since that was written assuming we would never get funding of this nature. Re-negotiating the OA has the potential to be extremely unpleasant.
So...if all goes well, we are going to get some beta testers (i.e. customers using it for free), then I want to give a couple friends an opportunity to invest first, and then we go after big money.
I am quite apprehensive about this whole thing. In fact, I am downright scared to be leaving such a comfy position that pays me such ridiculously high amounts of money (at least, compared to other professions) and I am not sure that I should be spending my savings to essentially not have a job for two months while I fuck around with an Android app. However, I think I need to go for it. If I can learn how to pilot a fucking an aluminum can with wings six thousand feet above the very hard ground, I can sell some fucking software to a spa.
So that's whats been rattling around in my head the past week.
My business partner has been pleasant to deal with ever since we signed the operating agreement. Even better, her competence has grown steadily with each new thing she tackles, and so far she's managed to take care of everything that doesnt involve actually building the product. When we have business meetings I no longer feel like I'm talking to an idiot; I feel like I'm talking to a partner.
The Bad News:
Unfortunately, we've hit yet another snag. The one beta tester we had lined up backed out shortly before we gave her a test version. I thought this beta tester had an independent practice with her own clients, but apparently she actually works in multiple spas and doesn't feel right putting those customers in our system...which is obviously how she should feel, since those aren't her customers. I'm a little alarmed she was even going to consider doing that.
It was after this event that my business partner mentioned there might not be many estheticians who are independent. In fact...its possible that they all work in spas. This is a rather large revelation, since our current feature set is only complete for an independent, single-user situation. Multiple users is the next milestone.
I'm starting to think that maybe the reason new business often fail is simple the fact that people chronically underestimate how difficult it will be.
The Very Bad News:
Panera Bread no longer sells the Cuban Sandwich. I am lost and alone now, without hope. The scariest thing, actually, isnt that I couldn't get the Cuban today, and won't be able to tomorrow...its the fact that I may never get a Panera Cuban Sandwich again. The last time I ate one I just scarfed it down--I didn't stop and relish how delicious it was. I just ate it, having no idea that it would be my last one. I don't even remember when that was! Thats the worst thing about this whole situation.
The Plan:
It seems the difficulty of this enterprise is only increasing. I want to put off quitting my job, especially considering the fact that we no longer have a beta tester lined up (there is another potential, but nothing solid yet). However, trying to work two jobs again has drained all of the enthusiasm generated over Christmas break. My brain feels like its in a constant fog, and I have trouble concentrating and staying motivated, especially since being back on the 9-5 schedule means I'm using weekends to work instead of taking a rest. The TV shows and video games I was using to recharge my brain have lost their effectiveness, possibly because to be effective I constantly have to expose myself to new content. Taking walks does still work, fortunately, but I only seem to realize that "going for a walk" is effective after I've done it. When I'm pacing around my apartment unable to think straight, the idea of spending an hour "going for a walk" just feels like a waste of time.
What does all this mean? I think I am going to wait until the Android project at work is stopped/canceled again, which should happen early feb. Then I will give notice for leaving. I don't know why, but quitting while working on those other projects that I fucking hate makes me feel no guilt for quitting. Perhaps it is because I only feel guilty because I never gave my manager strong enough hints that "lack of android work" = "me leaving." I was partly unable to do so, because I knew there was nothing he could do about the lack of android work, or the more important fact that this thing is never going to be publicly released--an expected notch in my resume that led to me moving to the Android project in the first place. Anyway, what was I supposed to do, give him some kind of ultimatum? I don't think that is an acceptable move in this particular situation. Hmm...I should probably at least tell him that I'm willing to put the SDK in my programs, and to work part time and remotely. I doubt that matters.
So. Looks like I won't be quitting the job until February, which means I won't be back on the East Coast by Feb. Kind of like how I wasn't back on the East Coast by Christmas, or November, or my 30th Birthday, or October, or August before that. If I quit in Feb, I promised my business partner at least 2 months of me, in Seattle, working on the start up full time, before moving home and possibly taking a job. So I guess end of march/early april is the next date.
My business partner has become more knowledgeable regarding getting funding, though. Six months ago she was just quoting random shit that self-styled venture capitalist gurus were spouting on some blogs. Now? She's coming to me with specific organizations that do angel and venture funding for startups whose criteria match what we are doing. If that happens, I could take a salary and do this full time indefinitely, and not worry about getting another job. Then again, getting venture capital will probably mean switching from LLC to C Corp and rewriting the Operating Agreement, since that was written assuming we would never get funding of this nature. Re-negotiating the OA has the potential to be extremely unpleasant.
So...if all goes well, we are going to get some beta testers (i.e. customers using it for free), then I want to give a couple friends an opportunity to invest first, and then we go after big money.
I am quite apprehensive about this whole thing. In fact, I am downright scared to be leaving such a comfy position that pays me such ridiculously high amounts of money (at least, compared to other professions) and I am not sure that I should be spending my savings to essentially not have a job for two months while I fuck around with an Android app. However, I think I need to go for it. If I can learn how to pilot a fucking an aluminum can with wings six thousand feet above the very hard ground, I can sell some fucking software to a spa.
So that's whats been rattling around in my head the past week.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Jump Prep
I am most definitely going to quit my day job.
Making the decision now. I think I'll wait one week...ish...before giving notice. The reason I am sort of rushing things is that I want to give my manager as much time as possible to find someone to replace me, as replacing me won't be easy. Not just because I'm awesome, but because finding someone with my skill set in that company is rare. In fact I am feeling incredibly guilty about that...I told him I would like to own the Android project, so he didn't find someone else. Then again, I was led to believe that the Android project would be a full time thing, and the project wouldn't start and stop constantly by the whims of a single retarded partner. So, really, the company does not deserve my loyalty.
I'll give notice next Monday. So that is at least 6 days to talk myself out of it.
Then, hopefully, $24K and 6 months later, we will be making money. And/or I'll just get another job or something.
I could possibly pick up some tutoring or some freelance android shit...but honestly there is a ton of competition for Android projects. In order to get my door in the door I might have to undercut the competition so severely it wouldn't be worth my time. So...we'll see.
Making the decision now. I think I'll wait one week...ish...before giving notice. The reason I am sort of rushing things is that I want to give my manager as much time as possible to find someone to replace me, as replacing me won't be easy. Not just because I'm awesome, but because finding someone with my skill set in that company is rare. In fact I am feeling incredibly guilty about that...I told him I would like to own the Android project, so he didn't find someone else. Then again, I was led to believe that the Android project would be a full time thing, and the project wouldn't start and stop constantly by the whims of a single retarded partner. So, really, the company does not deserve my loyalty.
I'll give notice next Monday. So that is at least 6 days to talk myself out of it.
Then, hopefully, $24K and 6 months later, we will be making money. And/or I'll just get another job or something.
I could possibly pick up some tutoring or some freelance android shit...but honestly there is a ton of competition for Android projects. In order to get my door in the door I might have to undercut the competition so severely it wouldn't be worth my time. So...we'll see.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Day 12 of 12
The app is complete. Well, the Android version is complete. Well...the UI actually looks like shit and it probably has a ton of bugs, but, technically, you could call this "feature complete." A phrase from the ol' corporate job. I'm not sure if I can go back there now, now that I know how much fun it is to work on my own.
I'm kind of sick of Android at the moment though. I feel like I need a real vacation now. Well, whatever.
I do have excellent new. The Lego Jabba the Hut set that I stockpiled after reading an article claiming some people in the middle east were offended by it (everything they found offensive was in the original star wars movie), has finally gone up in price. I would like to maybe wait until the price at least doubles, but I'd definitely settle for 150%.
I'm kind of sick of Android at the moment though. I feel like I need a real vacation now. Well, whatever.
I do have excellent new. The Lego Jabba the Hut set that I stockpiled after reading an article claiming some people in the middle east were offended by it (everything they found offensive was in the original star wars movie), has finally gone up in price. I would like to maybe wait until the price at least doubles, but I'd definitely settle for 150%.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
[coding] On Productivity: Break Scheduling
I think I just realized a key...element to when I am forced to take a break from programming. In the past I have described to people an urgent desire to drop my work and leave as soon as I figure something out. For example, upon discovering the solution of a difficult bug, I would often just walk away from my computer without checking in the fix, or even making the fix, etc.
Related to that, I think, is another cause: "switching gears." It may actually be the same task, but when I sort of complete one aspect of it (e.g. "getting the camera working" -- which involves learning the android camera feature) enough that I need to move onto another aspect of the same task (e.g. "saving the picture in the data store" -- which involves refactoring part of the data layer), it is the new task that requires loading up a bunch of different information and classes into my head (working memory?) so that I can work on it. I think the reason why I feel such a strong urge to take a break is that my mind wants to rest from what I was just working on. Also, and this is key, I think the break helps to forget everything I was just doing that I don't need to remember (all the camera stuff).
Anyway. That's the theory.
Related to that, I think, is another cause: "switching gears." It may actually be the same task, but when I sort of complete one aspect of it (e.g. "getting the camera working" -- which involves learning the android camera feature) enough that I need to move onto another aspect of the same task (e.g. "saving the picture in the data store" -- which involves refactoring part of the data layer), it is the new task that requires loading up a bunch of different information and classes into my head (working memory?) so that I can work on it. I think the reason why I feel such a strong urge to take a break is that my mind wants to rest from what I was just working on. Also, and this is key, I think the break helps to forget everything I was just doing that I don't need to remember (all the camera stuff).
Anyway. That's the theory.
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