Two Lives

It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... help your landlady carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias "Neo" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for.

--Agent Smith

So.

I am putting off personal website and revamping profile pictures until I look good with my shirt off.  Planning to start weight lifting in early to mid march, probably under the tutelage of a personal trainer because I currently think a "dead lift" is something that involves zombies.  I don't know how long it will take to look good naked, but I'm pretty fat, so we're gonna play this buy ear.  I think the way this will work is I'll find a shirtless picture of a male soap opera star, and declare success when my body looks like his.

Anyway.

Then comes the personal website.  I've been thinking a lot about this, and about the champion magic player who took a girl on a mediocre date and was outed when she went home and googled his name.

If I take a hot girl on a mediocre date, and she's on the fence, one thing that needs to not happen, ever, is for her to go home and find that I'm an accomplished computer scientist at a top software company with casual obsession for tackling math problems that have stumped the world's brightest minds for decades.

Similarly, if someone is thinking about hiring me...they need to not ever read anything I write on this blog, or my political opinions, or really anything about some of the shenanigans I get up to.

If a hot girl googles my name, she needs to see videos of me winning rally car/sportbike races, astronauting on the weekends, working in the peace core, skiing in the alps, providing aide to some kind of biracial and bisexual kid in a nonexistant third world country, sitting on my ass in france, rescuing kittens, adopting a dog from a rescue shelter and drinking shitty beer.  And teaching a yoga class.  And a zumba class.  And cooking shit.  And playing in my band--or a band.  Oh and salsa dancing with two girls at once.  I recently found out this is possible.  Must remember to get my salsa teacher to show me.  And then one shirtless picture, one of me in a suit, and one of me walking towards the camera in the style of almost every FPS console game's box cover.  And a video of me doing something illegal on a motorcycle that I can't describe here.

How can you separate these two?  How can we make an insane personal website only show up for girls and a nerdy professional site only appear for corporations?  And keep in mind, many hot girls work for corporations.  So IP addresses are out.

My best idea, so far, is to maybe have two names.  My real one would have to be the one of my website, because it would be weird legally--wait this won't work.  All of my friends use my real name, so if I meet girls through friends of friends...shit shit shit.

Also, we have other problems.  Some things, like legos, should go on neither (so now I need 3 websites...) and some things should go on both, like my piloting career that I may start up again.  That means I couldn't use the same flying pictures on both because someone could TinEye a flying pic on one sight and find the other.

Ok if an employer googles my name...not as important as when a chick googles my name, because employers can use my linked in.  However, if some employer googled my name, and they see the personal website, they would match my linked in profile to the personal website and know it was me.  How bad is that....  I'm not sure.

Living in a way where you are exempt from the social consequences of your job, vis a vis the career consequences of your personal stunts, is not easy.


Ok, no, I got it...maybe.  Sort of.  I could have a quiz on the professional site, such as:  "find a euler path in this graph to enter."   And on the personal site...ah shit.  And this doesn't solve the lego problem.

Ok, one thing...typically when I go on dates, girls don't find out my last name right away.  So, if we define the problem solely as how do we prevent hot girls from discovering hobbies of mind that they think are nerdy, maybe the best defense is to never tell them my last name.

Ok forget all that.  Handles/screennames/nicknames are a bit more acceptable in social settings.  I've been hearing for over a decade about blah blah blah your email address should be your real name.  Pff.

In conclusion...I think I'm right back where I started, regarding the whole personal website thing.  Its ok.  I'll mull it over on the treadmill.

Next, I have to make an extremely important decision about chest hair:  Sean Connery or Daniel Craig?  Actually this might vary based on the girls around me.

[Edit]
Disregard everything in this post.  That was pretty stupid.  I'm drunk now, and even after that many captains I wouldn't write this shit.