Suga

I had to hear it multiple times before I believed them:  apparently for some girls a skinny guy with little muscle mass is the ideal physique.  Yeah, I know;  I didn't believe it either.  I think the first time was when a girl stared at my chest and said "wow you're like the ideal male." I did at least have the grace to stare at her incredulously and look offended. 

I've run into a bunch, though, so I guess they must exist.   Weight lifting is still recommended, because it opens up all the girls who aren't into stick figures.  Anyway.  The point of this is that I considered my flat stomach to be my single advantage in the looks department.

You can imagine my alarm when I started getting fat, despite the fact that I was walking to work every day and had a standing desk.  Suddenly I had a belly like every other chump out there.  I'd always sneered at fat people, thinking "all you have to do to fix that is change your entire lifestyle."  Turns out changing your entire lifestyle is difficult, but I wanted my advantage back.  Nothing seemed to be working initially.

Then everything changed when I switched jobs, stopped walking to work, and no longer had a standing desk, and was working too much to go to the gym.  Didn't actually get much fatter.

Something inspired me to fix it again.  I signed up for a ridiculously expensive gym whose only real advantage was that it was located in the same building as work, so I'd have no excuse to skip it.

Two days later, I still had not actually gone to the gym and worked out.  Yet, as I was walking up the stairs, I noticed that the jeans I wear which typically choke the life out of my waist were falling down.  I had lost weight.

And it wasn't from exercising, or jumping on the sitting-is-evil bandwagon, or walking to work, or any of those other recommended lifestyle changes, or any physical activity like cycling, climbing, dancing or skiing (work left no time for any of them).  It was the simple fact that I had switched from drinking three 20 oz* bottles of mountain dew per day, to only allowing myself one 12 oz can (doubly ironic because I reduced my soda intake after joining the company that gives free fucking sodas).
 
So...while all those difficult life changes (that required significant willpower) probably had numerous health benefits, when it comes to being fat, drinking less sugary soda was more effective than all of them combined.  I find this discovery fascinating and utterly depressing at the same time.  I fucking love soda.  And now I get to look forward to months of not drinking it if I want to regain my previous belt size.

In conclusion:  holy fuck sugar makes you fat.



*Sure, 60 ounces of high fructose corn syrup might sound bad now, but when you have a shitty programming job at a company like Flabazon, that genetically engineered, unnaturally sweet poison is one of few comforts.  Seriously I can't believe I'm happier at Bikrosoft.