Look what you made me do
look what I made for you
Knew if I paid my dues
Knew if I paid my dues
how will they pay you
New Office
Ok, so, first, things were looking pretty good after a couple of weeks in the new office. Yeah, we moved. I can walk to the new place, and there are bars and stuff, and...I'm done complaining about the old office. Anyway, I was walking there one morning, and I could see the lake, and blah blah blah something about realizing that this would be my year. I decided that I was going to have an awesome year, and that I would write an enourmously long-winded blog post about it. I didn't, because I've had a life recently (AAAHHHH <-- forshadowing), but don't worry because it was mostly doing to be a list of fun things to do in Seattle that I googled.
Whistler
I went up to Whistler a few weekends ago. It was so awesome. The mountain was so enourmous it was...awesome. And amazing. I mean, whatever word you want to put in there, go ahead and do it. I've never been on a mountain that was so big I actually wanted a break in the middle of a run. I'm used to runs being so fast that if your mind wanders a bit you miss the whole thing. Not so at Whistler. I want to go again when I am more in shape. Oh, and borders. Fucking borders. (full disclosure: the short form of snowboarders, boarders, is going to be misspelled all over the place because this retarded-ass spell checker kept bitching at me and I wan't really paying attention, and I'm not fixing all that)
Snowboarders.
Let me tell you something about snowboarders. They bitch about everything. I'm not going to make a statement about which genre of this sport is faster, or who has more skill, but I will say that when it comes to the perceived quality of the terrain snowboarders whine way more than skiiers. They like to spend the entire ride up the lift deciding which runs to take to get to the "untracked pow" and change their minds every two minutes. Alpine sports, for them, becomes of a quest of finding that one spot of the mountain that no one wants to go to, maybe because of chilling winds, or dangerous glaciers, or because you have to take 4 different lifts to get there, or because its roped off for avalance control, whatever.
This clashes with my alpine preference, which is to go up some lift--preferably a fast one--and then ride down. Repeat, like, 2 or 3 times, then get some food. Do another 4 runs, get food again. Repeat this entire process until the lifts close or you are so tired your technique starts to suck. The snow that I prefer is the packed kind, maybe groomed. Whenever we do one of these runs, I tell my friends I liked it, and they wrinkle their noses and go "that was too tracked out." They have their own fucking jargon just for being picky about which runs they do.
To make matters worse, all they want to ski is powder. Pow pow pow pow thats all I hear about. Pow and snowgasms. I hate powder, because it is deep and tiring and in fact a single powder run can drain almost all of my avaialble stamina--stamina that I could have used to enjoy a full day of skiing. My snowboarding buddy does not understand how I can't like powder. Literally. He doesn't understand. When I tell him I don't like powder...man I don't know what happens but that message most definitely gets garbled by the time it reaches his brain. In fact, I think "I don't like powder" gets turned into "please use peer pressure and guilt trips to coerce me into doing powder runs that are above my technical difficulty." Oh, and technical difficulty. Yeah, I'm a pretty good skiier, in my opinion. Not great; just good. Having taught myself to skii pretty successfully, I happen to have a damn good sense of exactly what my ability is, what runs are difficult but helpful to learn, and what runs are so fucking difficult that I don't learn anything but instead spend twenty minutes stumbling down them. I describe these runs by saying they are "too difficult" for me. I figured that would be clear. Its not. But I digress.
We should have split up. They didn't want to, until the very end, when I had stopped at the side of the trail to look at a sign that had the word "glades" on it. I have been wanting to try glade skiing pretty much as long as I've been skiing, so I stopped to check the run out. Skiiers can do that. We can just stop when we want to. Suddenly, my borders friends caught up and stopped with me. I had surveyed the trail, determined that the tree's were closer together than I wanted and that, thanks to a couple powder runs we did earlier, I did not have enough energy left to shred the powder dangerously tossed inbetween those tree trunks. So I passed. My snowboarder friends were not happy, because the trail we were on was kind of flat. Not flat, but too flat for them to start going again. Yeah, thats what you do when you're a snowborder, you have to worry about your momentum, trying to keep it up as much as possible if the trail has any sections that are anywhere near flat. So they took the gladed trail, and shredded their damn pow, and I just kind of glided down the trail I was on. Then I realized why the girl we came with had spend the entire trip avoiding us on the mountain. She was kind of weird--at least, my friends thought she was weird. Its an interesting inter-personal story, I'm sure.
Anyway, here are some pictures.
Here is the moose that stared at me while I slept:
This is us on a giant skiing mountain, looking over at the other giant skiing mountain:
this picture made me feel like I was on top of the world:
They have a gondola that goes between the mountains. Its actually not as scary as it sounds. We waited forever just to ride the special silver one that sacrificed people space for a glass hole in the floor:
That is where I slept. Don't remember why this was newsworthy. Maybe it shows off how nice the cabin place was.
More views from the inter-mountain gondola:
So anyway, whistler is awesome. All of you reading this should plan a trip to fly out here and rent a cabin with me. I actually spent half of the trip thinking about how awesome it would be if my old friends were with me ::sniff::.
Anyway, its pretty affordable. We did it for like $300 something a person, and (sales pitches goes here). Parking sucks though. Plan on only being able to park a single car nearby if you are renting a condo.
And...I think thats it.
When it Rains....
I'm beginning to notice a pattern. I either have no girls (as prospects, or dates, or whatever) or I have multiple possibilities at once. This time, I went from zero to five, and it was exhausting. In fact, girls are exhausting. I don't remember my relationships being like that. Not the ones I liked, at least.
So here's the scoop. The first girl, r1; I met her in real life. Yeah, I think I'm about to be even more nerdy than you've ever seen. Anyway, r1 is pretty cool. We like her. P1, I met her on plenty-of-fish. That leaves f1, f2 and f3, who I met on a niche dating site that I will not name nor show my face on (its not that interesting, really; everyone--or at least all the guys--seem to be giant nerds, and not the cool kind). We'll get to them in a second.
R1 is actually normal, attractive, and sane, and not crazy, and I can't tell if she wants to be friends, and I've tried to ask her out, and we've gone out, but I'm still getting more of a friendship vibe from her. Let me guess. You think I should be more...whatever. Aggressive or something, right? Fuck you. And just wait until I tell you about some other girls.
P1. Wow. Check this out. She received a full volleyball scholarship to go to some creepy religious school in one of the datokas. Now, when I say creepy, I need you to know the full force of my meaning. I was a member of a hated organization at Drexel called "Campus Crusade for Christ" for like, three or four years, until I had a graphics class that was held on the same night and realized I did not miss it at all. Yeah. My official religions is Christians-think-I'm-an-athiest-and-athiests-think-I'm-a-Christian-so-would-you-all-please-go-bitch-at-each-other-and-leave-me-out-of-it. The point of this, is that the aforementioned club I was a member of did not creep me out. This school, though, the one my date went to? Holy shit. Yeah, I thought that worked on two levels. Anyway. And again. College. These are normal, college-aged college students. The people at the college went through their rooms and stole ("confiscated") rated R movies and any clothing they deemed inappropriate, every day while the students are at class. Who does that? I don't care what religion is part of the premise. I can't concentrate in class if I know some smelly middle-aged lady is fingering her way through my stuff. I think I have psychological trauma just from thinking about it.
Anyway, she turned out to be kind of annoying. Like...just annoying. And I didn't notice at first. But girls seem to love texting you all the time. I don't understand why. Not sure what I'm going to do...probably should give it another shot with her. Although, getting sick this weekend as well as dealing with f1 (foreshadowing!) may have hurt my chances.
F1. Girls. Can. Be. So. Incredibly. Annoying. Like. When. People. Punctuate. Every. Word. In. A. Sentence. For. What. I. Call. Emphasis. Overkill. Although, admittedly, thats the only way to replicate in text the way some people talk. Anyway, this girl, wow dude. Wow.
We went on one date. One date. Later she actually implied that it wasn't even a date. In all this time, I have been in near constant communication with her. Emails, ims, phone calls. Like, there would be text messages in the morning, and then I get to work and have to explain to her that I can't im back and forth all day because I do actual work, and when I come back from a meeting and type "sry was in a meeting" she accepts that as a heartfelt apology. Then, if I take a while to walk home, I find a bunch of text messages on my phone and like a missed call, and then she's talking to me all night, wondering why I'm always doing something else other than giving her my undivided attention.
One. Date.
She wanted to be privy to my most intimate secrets. I'm not even kidding, and she's not the first girl to expect this. She actually got mad and frustrated when I wouldn't divulge whatever she wanted to know. I tried to explain to her that most people are lucky enough to know when my birthday is, and she reminded me that she could find out my birthday by doing a background check. This is the same girl that told me that having a round table in my living room means I'm open to communication. She also got annoyed and said I was grumpy the night I was sick and cooking dinner for myself when she called me up to tell me that the only other girl i'm friends with on this niche dating site, F3, is totally weird, and proceeded to list of a bunch of details and comparisons about how the other girl was weird that I ignored while waiting for my ramen noodles to break up. In addition, this girl has an aggressive personality. Like, my brain has to constantly try to keep up with her. She's constantly misinterpreting what I say, and she always manages to ask questions that I'm not sure how to answer and make me think really hard. For example, she asked me to explain why I and my closest guy friends don't regularly all share every intimate (and possibly sexual) detail of our relationships. I honestly never thought I'd have to justify not doing that. So, wow. Oh I trailed off. Yeah. Does this look passive aggressive? This looks passive aggressive, doesn't it? I tried to tell her that the constant communication was a little much. I really did. I did not phrase it with one of my incredibly precise "my desire to not to go a party..." statements, but I did say exactly how I felt. She told me something about establishing trust, and being open to communication, and holy fuck we've been on one date. I don't want to establish trust after 1 date! I want to go on another date. After that, I want to go on another date. Sure, we can make out in the meantime. Great. Or not. Maybe after date 5 or 6 you can start using the word trust. I don't know. I rarely make it that far. I've noticed that every girl who wants full access to all of the skeletons in my closet within 24 hours of meeting me is the kind of girl that gets offended when I like to not divulge that kind of thing right away. Maybe there's a pattern there.
So I'm exhausted. Literally. I had some kind of plan for making this year awesome...something about making a Lego mosaic of a calvin and hobbes picture...idk. Wow. This girl was like a computer process that steals extra time from the scheduler by doing a bunch of unecessary I/O operations.
Fortunately, I have been through all this before. With who, it doesn't matter. What's important is that I know the tricks of the trade. For example, if you have gmail open on a linux desktop, you can ctrl+alt+arrow over to that desktop and see if you got any new emails from people you want to talk to without accidently sending a mouse event to the browser window, which would reveal your presence by turning that little bubble next to your name to green. All you have to do is not release the ctrl and alt buttons--you just switch over to that screen, look at your gmail window without letting go, and then switch back to the screen you were on. Anyway. I just told her that I am not romantically interested in her. I had to explicitly tell a girl after a single not-a-date that I am not interested in her. I've done some pretty pathetic things to get a date--like really pathetic--and each of those were less work than this. I actually found myself longing for a night hiding in my living room watching old SNL reruns, alone. Normally I would consider that a complete waste of my life. This time, it was sanctuary.
Moral of the story: I put less work into this one than I did with the girl in real life. Less work! And look what happened! So fuck everyone and their advice.
Oh, and I forgot: I wasn't even trying to date this girl. She was going to introduce me to couple of her friends, until she found out about the secret lego collection in my closet and got all interested in me herself. There's some irony here somewhere, I just don't have the mental faculty to spell it out right now.
F2. Oh yeah. This one was actually pretty cool. We hit it off. I took her climbing--thats always been a great date for me. Got mexican (fast-ish) food across the street. I made her laugh. Like, really laugh, like everyone in the joint knew I said something funny. Then we took a walk on what passes for a beach around here, said high to one of the groups with a fire pit, and later ended up down at the docks. Why can't my life be more like th--oh right, it was. Yeah. She was cool. I've probably missed my chance at a second date with her, on account of spending all of my time talking to f1. See my bit about stealing scheduled time with extra I/O ops. I haven't even gotten my chores done. I don't know how this girl did it.
F3. Actually, this one might not be a girl. If she is a real girl, she is super hot. This is the one that f1 didn't like for reasons I don't care about. I played the exhaustive game of trading emails with f3 every day or two, trying to do whatever it took to actually meet up with this girl for realz without looking pathetic. She kept up the game until it came down to...actually meeting in real life. Then she stopped responding. Its kind of awkard for me on that site now, because my only friends there are the girl that went crazy over me and the girl that tastesly ignored me (seriously, after a week of emails?) and also every time I log in I am faced with like twenty facebook-style "updates" of things this hot girl did on this site. I think she just messes around on that site all day. And then I start looking at it, trying to guess what makes her tick, if there is a way to tune my chameleon ability to make her fall in love with me...and the world moves on.
I hope that a store sign falls on this girl in such a way as to inflict unpleasant pain and non-sexual humiliation but without causing permanent damage. Normally, in these situations, I hope that a girl falls face first in the snow, but we don't have any of that here. So I hope she gets hit by a sign. Or I could just have like a week's worth of my free time back.
In Conclusion
I am so fucking exhausted. And its mostly mental and emotional. I got sick over the weekend, too. I have stuff to catch up with at work. I'm going oncall for my new team wednesday, thats going to suck. One reason in particular that this while suck is that I have been unable to sit through the documentation that I need to read because it is so incredibly boring. Oh, and this morning I got yelled at for not raising the alarm for a problem that was already fixed. Picture this: you're the captain of the enterprise, or whatever. someone wakes you up to tell you that we're being attacked by a klingon bird of prey. Those ships are so cool looking. Anyway. By the time you get to the bridge, the bird of prey has already been destroyed. There's like, nothing to do. You say "hey whats up" and they're like "we got it" so you just sit down in your captains chair and look at the damage reports, make yourself a latte, or whatever. Then some bitchy admiral gets on the line and you get yelled at for not going to Red Alert the moment you stepped onto the bridge, which, remember now, was after the problem was taken care of. Yeah, I know red alert sounds cool, but in this analogy, it makes a lot of nice people that aren't corny actors have to get out of bed all worried-like because they think there is a real emergency. So, I'm real happy about that. Procedure my ass.
Whistler was Feb 25. Thats like a little more than two weeks. Two weeks and I need another vacation. What am I going to do about it? Power through, and either manage a vacation or another job, and just try not to thinking about girls for a while. I'm anticipating that the 5 will go all the way back down to zero again, like it always does. Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I had no intentions of playing anyone, I just think it is ok to go to dates with other people, at least for the first couple dates. I know everyone has their own esoteric but fervent opinions on this topic, but since one girl just tried to pass me off to her friend a month ago you can just keep them to yourselves.
So.......this is dragging on too long.
Seriously. I'm exhausted.
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