The Quest for Cheap, Quicky, Easy, Healthy Lunches made of Food that Lasts for Weeks

I just realized my problem with making my own food:  I dislike anything that takes longer to make than it does to eat, and when I'm hungry, I eat fast.

Its not a laziness thing.  Its just some kind of sensation that a longer preparation time is wrong.  Incorrect.  Kind of like when you start your motorcycle and wait ten minutes for it to warm up in order to drive to a 7-11 that is only five minutes away by foot.  That kind of incorrect.

I've also noticed that nearly every recipe I find involves chicken.  I'm not sure why.  Chicken, being a meat, is inconvenient because it can't sit around in your fridge for long.  It should be reserved for special occasions when I am willing to spend more than 5 minutes in my kitchen!  Not only that, but its a more porous meat than steak, meaning more effort must be made in order to cook it safetly.  Why is everyone putting chicken in their recipes?  I don't want to walk all the way to a store, stand in line to buy some chicken, walk all the way back, and then cook it, and then start preparing my "quick lunch" recipe from the internet.  This is not sustainable.  Maybe if I grew chickens in my apartment, and I could just kind of fling a butchers knife into the living room from my computer chair...idk.  I don't know anything about butcherology.

Here's my new plan:  vegetarian meals.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am, and will always be, vehemently opposed to the idea that eating meat is bad because of something about "oh the poor animals."  In fact, even treating animals ethically and not torturing them makes me uneasy, because it seems like only a slippery slope and short fall until I can't eat bacon anymore.  However.  Some people are vegetarians because of some of the awful things done* in commercial farming, or because they realize that a growing population that eats cows, which themselves must eat plants, requires exponentially more energy than a population that skips the middleman and goes right to the plants.  I firmly support this idea, so long as I can still eat bacon whenever I want.

So it is with trepidation that I consider behavior that might possibly support the vegetarian's cause.  Unfortunately, vegetarians eat some pretty weird shit.  Like who ever made a plant out of eggs?  That sounds like some kind of evil Batman henchman.

Here's a list of things that sound weird, which I never want to try:

Hummus
Eggplant
hummus
chick peas?
gross ass goo--looks like poop from a cancerous pidgeon that caught the plauge--sometimes called hummus
the reason hummus appears in this list so many times is because I actually did try it once.

Ok I don't actually have a long list...I actually just wrote this entire post in order to amuse myself while searching for vegetarian lunches.  I think I found one:

Unstuffed Peppers.  Basically you use the black arts of necromancy to bring a stuffed pepper back to life and then eat it.


By the way...cooking something in the fucking oven is, BY DEFINITION, NOT quick and easy.  Its the fucking oven.  There is no cooking appliance more heavyweight than the oven.  The only way a recipe could be more work, at least by appliance class, would be maybe some kind of fire roast pit, or if you included smoking your own meat.  Note that jello doesn't count because you don't preheat the fridge.


Also, why are vegetarians/vegans so obsessed with recreating the foods they left behind?  If you really want a burger that bad, just eat a fucking burger.  Every time you make a "vegan pizza" or a "vegetarian burger" or a "fake chicken salad" you are basically reminding yourself that other people have it better.  Other people are getting the real thing.  Kind of like when you try to play windows games on linux**.


Food for thought:

The second of two serious girlfriends that I've had in my life once told me that the reason motorcycles should not do the things she didn't like was because, as a driver of a car, she might accidentally hit them and feel bad.

That is exactly like saying that vegans shouldn't be vegans at lunch time, because I might not notice that the vegan pizza is missing until the delivery guy leaves, which would make me feel bad.






*fuck Monsanto

**fuck you Microsoft