Saudade Capulet felt the sunlight on her naked body and rose to take a shower. A complex and asymmetrical celtic knot stretched from her right shoulder down to the sheet she absentmindedly held near her waist. She was not one for modesty, but lately even the bedrooms had felt unsafe. Outside, it was midmorning on the beach. The sun was bright and the gray clouds were in full retreat, giving way to puffy white ones. To most it was a serene landscape with a bit of ocean wind. Only the trained eye would notice the speed with which the cumulous clouds grew.
/* Note: Biff calls her soda */
A short time later the butler opened the front door and welcomed inside a man named Eric. Eric seemed, to the butler, tall and muscular enough but a bit too thin. A poor contestant against his employer.
The butler showed him to the indoor pool. The butler watched Eric watching Saudade get out of the pool. The effect of her athletic body on the young man was obvious. The butler clenched his jaw and forcefully held his facial expression calm, and devoid of any sign of disgust. He noticed that Sauda was still wearing her wedding ring. He didn't know if that made her more or less of a coward, and decided that he didn't want to decide which. He excused himself on the premise of fetching tea. Sauda called after him that tea was not necessary and he ignored her.
As soon as he was in the kitchen and out of Sauda's hearing, he dialed her husband.
"Is the visitor a man or woman?" said a voice on the other line.
"The caller is a young gentleman named..."
"Blue."
"...Eric." The butler looked down on the stove, at two teapots side by side. One was green and one was blue.
"The blue teapot," said Sauda's husband.
The butler touched the handle of the indicated vessel with his hand, but did not reply immediately.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yes I did."
"I have the utmost faith in you, but you mustn't delay. Take the blue teapot and serve it now."
"Sir-"
"Now."
The butler swallowed. "Consider it done."
"My good man. There is a check and a bottle of scotch waiting for you at the office." The call ended.
The butler placed the blue teapot on a tray and added the rest of the items: cups, spoons, sugar, tiny little crackers. His hands were shaking but they steadied as he walked. Righteous anger flooded his heart.
Sauda and Eric were sitting at a table by the pool. It was his fortune that the table should be so close. He set the tea down and watched them sip it. Then Sauda did something strange: a moment after taking her first sip she got up and leapt into the pool. The butler stole a glance at her cup. It was empty enough. All the better if she wanted to leap to her death and save him the trouble of throwing her in. Her adulterous guest was not as easy.
"Ugh!" Eric set the cup down. "That is awful. Just awful. Oh. Sorry mate. No, its great tea and all that. Its just too..." he paused for a second, eyelids fluttering. "...Rich." Then he slumped over and out of his chair.
The butler frowned and rolled his sleeves up. He also put on a pair of latex gloves. The final snap of the glove slipping on his hand echoed in the tiled room. He was just bending down to attend to his second victim when he was impaled by a crossbow bolt. The impact was enough to knock him back on his heels and one palm. He looked at the water. At first he didn't see anything.
Sauda rose out of the water in the shallow end and brought a large crossbow up to her chest, one that the butler had never seen before.
"I forgot that water refracts light. That bolt would've been in your heart. Like this one." She fired another bolt. It landed on target and put the butler onto his back. Sauda tossed the crossbow back in the water.
Eric was out cold. Sauda glanced around. The butler, Andrew, had been the only member of the staff that she thought she could trust. Though she was wrong, he was dead or dying and everyone else had the day off. She bent down, smiling to herself, and kissed Eric on the lips. She could taste more of the ultra sweet poison. He mumbled something. It was probably just a sedative, but better safe than sorry. She pried with mouth open and stuck a finger down his throat until he vomited.
Eric woke up with his head cradled in Sauda's scantily-clad lap, with a horrible taste in his mouth and a trail of vomit running down her leg.
"Uggghhhhhh. ghhhhhhhhhhhhh! hhhhghhh...."
"Shh. You're ok." Sauda was rubbing his back. Eric closed his eyes. Totally worth it. In front of him, a man he barely knew was floating face down in the pool.
"Whaaat happen?"
"My husband..." Sauda paused to take the ring from her left hand. "...I caught my husband with some trailer trash tramp bent over the couch in the living room. If I divorce him, I get half. If he kills me first, I get nothing."
"Sounds like the short end of the stick. Or...end of the short stick, or something."
"The important thing is I should have signed a prenup. Don't ever think you don't need a prenup just because you're in love with the guy." As if to add to her point, Sauda flipped the ring into the air like it was a coin. It ploped into the water with a tiny splash and sank immediately.
Eric closed his eyes. Her lap was warm. He was happy.
~ . ~ . ~
Biff found a decent spot on the side of the road to pull over. The cop behind him rode his ass all the way, like he was eager or something.
Biff watched the door of the police cruiser open in the driver's side mirror of his Boss 429. Shit. It was Craig. Craig Capulet. Son of a bitch. Craig was wearing aviators and chewing gum with his mouth open. He was also swaggering like a ten-year-old's impression of a cowboy.
"You know why I pulled you over sir?" Craig grinned at him.
"No I do not." Biff kept his voice even, but firm.
"You think I didn't see you at that bonfire last night?"
A trick question. Biff frowned in Craig's face and turned away, looking straight ahead.
"Huh? I didn't hear you."
Biff trained his eyes on the distant landscape. It was awkward, but there are some questions you just can't respond to.
"Step out of the car sir."
Biff obeyed.
"Hands on the hood. Yeah uh huh. Now do you have any needles in your pockets?" Craig was patting him down.
"No."
"Alrighty then. Keep your hands on that hood until I tell you to move them."
Biff waited. Nothing seemed to be happening. Then pain surged from his neck to his toes and his legs failed him. Taser. From behind.
"I didn't say move yer hands," said Craig. He bend down and tased Biff again. And then three more times.
Biff would never forget the feeling of the hot gravel against his cheek. It was the small, weird hard stuff, the kind that seemed sort of glued down to the shoulder of the road to keep it rough in case cars needed to stop in a hurry. Biff decided on that day, as steel was clamping down on his wrists behind him, that he would never again get pulled over by a cop.
/* note: Eric gets Biff's car back and doesn't tell him how */
0 comments:
Post a Comment