Asking for Girls is the Crime

The Epilogue:

My car, who, by the way...lets keep the name on the DL for a while...anyway I'm having a bit of a situation with the lock on the trunk.  It still locks, yes, but its...it needs to be fixed.  I'm pretty forgetful.  I think its been this way since I moved into my apartment.  In fact I think the move is what damaged it.  The other detail is that my car is a Subaru Impreza WRX STI, which, according to an episode of Top Gear that sadly trashed the STI, was at one point one of only two street legal rally cars worth buying, with the other one being the Evo.

Second Epilogue:
 
I was comiserrating with this girl about how the ostensibly convinent hours you get in the tech industry can actually be a downside once you realize you never have time to run errands when anything is open.  For example, none of the post offices here are open at midnight.  We discussed personal assitants.

The Third Act:

Today I sent an email to a craigslist-like mailing list at work.  Random guess:  close to half of the company is subscribed.  I said I needed a personal assistant and that I would prefer someone who was attractive, female, and a champion rally car drive in the AWD division.  Incredulous?  1)  yes I did say that and 2) take a few minutes and rethink our friendship.  Like seriously rethink it.  What are you getting out of it?  Anyway.

I got a response immediately from one of the girls who helped me out with my whole wardrobe situation.  She recommended someone who is two out of three, which is all I was expecting to get.

Then some of my work mates came over, incredulous that I would actually send something like that.  Even people on the list thought my email was a case of someone forgetting to lock their keyboard.  Apparently what I wrote was sexist.  My buddy got me worried enough to try and shutdown the thread--I sent a reply saying I found someone, being pretty sure that such a message would sort of close off the issue in their minds.

The other important detail here is that I took that lame ass sexual harassment training shit last week.  Seriously, if you know which company I work for?  The company we contract out for our lets-prevent-lawsuits training bullshit is the worst.

Also, some girl who is a solo autocross driver replied, and it seems she was a tiny bit either incredulous or perturbed at my email, even though I'm pretty sure she had no intentions of offer personal assistant services, although she did give me some ideas for getting track time without being forced to volunteer for cone duty...something about open track days.  What is cone duty?  Cone duty is the reason I have not yet gotten involved in autocross.


The End:

I was feeling concerned, and like, halfway towards guilty about my email.  I like having people think I'm a hothead fool.  I'm ok with other men thinking I'm an idiot.  I don't really want anyone to think I'm sexist.  Then, tonight, as I was searching for a way to procrastinate an impending and meticulous task of sorting Lego bricks that is part of a nearly failed scheme that was supposed to double my money, I realized the truth:

If I had asked for an ugly, male, gay, vegan, hipster dude that only rides a fixed gear he assembled himself from parts bought from local companies (and who doesn't filter and actually stops at red lights because he is an asshole) then no one would have minded.

The reason I separated that quote like that is so I can cut & paste easily if I find an email from HR in my inbox tomorrow morning.  So I don't feel bad at all now.



[Edit - poetic justice?]

So I wrote about I had two boxes of this Lego Fire Brigade set that were defective and were missing an entire bag of pieces.  I asked a buddy of mine to sell me a third set, because I thought it would be easier to compare them than to count every single piece and see what I am missing.  The third set he gave me was also from the defective 39R1 batch.  I realized this after over an hour of counting pieces.  I have three of these fucking sets in my posession and I can't build any of them because they are all missing these stupid little gray pieces.  Each of these sets cost $150, and are worth less than a third of that if I sell them for just the parts.  AAAAHHHHHH.