Stirred, not Fried

All of the assholes who write stir fry recipes on the internet think that the perfect stir fry is about doing lots of work to maximize taste at the expense of more effort and more dishes to wash.  Fuck them.

I made one tonight and it turned out surprisingly well.  

Ingredients:

• 1 cup rice
• 1 red bell pepper
• 1 slab of boneless chicken breast
• giant container of sweet and sour sauce

Cook & Wash Directions:

• put 1 cup of rice in the cooker
• play video games for like an hour or whatever
• oil in a skillet and turn on the flames while...
• cut the peppers first, because if you cut the raw chicken first you'd have to wash the damn cutting board
• peppers into a paper bowl (no need to wash!)
• cut the chicken
• put some water on your fingers and flick them in the skillet.  there should be a disturbing explosion of steam
• chicken into the skillet
• turn each piece of chicken over once
• wash the knife and cutting board
• peppers into the skillet
• i guess stir it and shit...whatever
• after a while eat a pepper out of the skillet to see if they are done enough
• flames off
• dump the rice in
• dump in some sauce (don't measure, just take a wild guess)
• stir it around for a bit, then dump everything in a plate
• you can't run the skillet under cold water because the heat transfer could warp the metal, however, you can put soap on a spone and just scrub it while it is still incredibly hot.  By the time you're done it should be cool enough to rinse with water

Cook & Wash directions I'll actually use:

• (start 1 cup rice beforehand)
• oil in skillet, flames on
• cut peppers
• cut chicken
• chicken in skillet until cooked
• (wash cutting board & knife)
• peppers in skillet
• flames off to add rice
• add sauce
• wash skillet while hot

Some key points to this recipe:

• the ideal recipe would involve cooking all of the ingredients in the skillet at the same time, however, sadly, rice just doesnt work that way.  It has to be cooked for a ridiculously long time, and you have to care about the amount of water and shit...in short, just buy a fucking rice cooker.
• we are using peppers because certain veggies take too long to cook (broccoli, carrots) and there is no way in hell i'm taking the fucking meat back out of the skillet and getting a bowl dirty.  Bell peppers are like the best veggie, and red peppers are the tastiest
• we only use one veggie because it is way less work
• the instructions are built around washing everything as part of the cooking process, because if there are any dishes that are still dirty when I start eating they will be dirty for the next 6 months.
• these instructions were written by someone who doesnt give a shit about whether the chicken is "too dry" -- all I care about getting protein sans food poisoning.

There is some room for improvement here...next time I need to cut the peppers and the chicken smaller.  Another thing is maybe I should buy a wok.

I think I could do this again though.  Sadly, I'm not sure how to improve the time any more...meat goes back super fast, and as soon as peppers are cut they go bad in a few days, so its not like you could do the cutting step for 20 meals in advance.  Maybe if you freeze the shit; idk.