[fiction] Fifty Thrones of Shade Part 4 (note: filthy language)

Ned

My ladytown was trembling like Vanessa Feltz's diesel-powered vibrator. I awoke the next morning with my shame portal still trickling. I thought it was over but his pink tractor beam had other ideas. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his eight inches of throbbing pink jebus made my minge mucus froth like a slug in a salt mine. After having my gaping clam cavern slammed, he then proceeded to plow my vintage golf bag. The unrelenting orgasms from his huge penis killed Ned Stark and something about fucking my crusty fuck trench made me come so hard, I began sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.  Seriously countdown was capitalized when I copy and pasted it...idk whats going on.

Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as Ned Stark died and his wensleydale wand slid deeper into my fart valve. The mixture of corn-eyed butt snake and cock custard in my ring piece created the delicious rectoplasm that he was so fond of. It was bliss having his ocean's 11 inches* shoved inside me again; stuffing my chamber of squelch with a lightbulb just didn't get my tuna canal spritzing like it used to. There was ectoplasm slobbering from his bald avenger and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. I awoke the next morning with my shame portal still haemorrhaging and Ned Stark dead. I thought it was over but his cumtree had other ideas.

It was bliss having his slut slayer shoved inside me again; stuffing my moose knuckle with a footlong fudge bullet just didn't get my sperm socket spritzing like it used to. The mixture of stink pickle and creamy load in my fudge factory created the delicious bbq sauce that he was so fond of.   This paragraph has benefited my life far more than Game of Thrones ever could.  Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his bald-headed yogurt slinger rammed deeper into my other vagina. I awoke the next morning with my tampon tunnel still oozing. I thought it was over but then Ned Stark died. There was cock custard weeping from his thrill drill and I was wetter than a spastic's chin. We were ready for more.

Seriously though, as mush as we love to make fun of this,  whoever wrote the original 50 shades novel MADE BANK.  Stephen King can make fun of her; we can't.  In fact, this is similar to hating bands like Nickelback:   if you haven't made a shit ton of money from all of the books/albums you sold, you really just look pathetic when you complain about how popular they are.

Note: That last comment does not apply to people who hate Gay of Thrones.  Those people are AWESOME.  I think we should form a club.

Note:  a careful and studied study of this porn generator accomplished by clicking the button a few times has revealed that every generated paragraph depicts anal sex.  I think I could write a better generator.  Naturally, we would need more than some tawdry Markov chain algorithm.  Please.  At the very minimum we would need a database, and a way of expressing the actors involved, as well as the cross-product of actor-gender combinations with the constraints of [0,1] males and [0, INFINITY] females.  Add a simple name generator--easy.  Build in a module to calculate a couple hundred sex positions--I mean you could boil down every possible sex position in the universe into probably less then 5, but people seem to think that moving the girls feet somewhere counts as a new position.  So we'll need a way to textualize position descriptions and position changing descriptions.  Each position will probably need a bunch of tags that can help match against a database of metaphors.  Can retrograde wheelbarrow be compared to launching the apollo missions?  The computer must know.  You guys do realize that when I link you to xkcd comics I expect you to have already made the connection in your mind that I made an xkcd reference and I'm only linking you so that you know I know it was an xkcd comic and you don't have to tell me xkcd made a comic of that, right?  Anyway, thats the ten thousand foot overview.  I think this would make a great interview question.



*technically, this is still more consistent than any two episodes of Star Trek