Secondly, this post is not about what you think it is. If it was, I would have titled it...actually I probably shouldn't share that.
Anyway.
I am getting fat. Yeah...I know...me. So that's happening. I've always told myself that all you need to do to change your body weight is just completely change your lifestyle. Well, turns out that your lifestyle isn't actually that easy to change.
Instead, I've begun looking at what I eat. For reference, the whole...juice made from fruit thing is not going well because I don't have an extra hour every day to run and clean the juicer. Sometimes I have a spare 60 seconds in the morning. Anyway.
I think the culprit is soda. I still drink a fair bit of soda, especially when I buy something spicy. I tried reducing the amount of soda I drink. I've gotten it down to about 3 sodas a day. You don't want to know how much I used to drink. Seriously you don't--especially based on the reactions I get when I tell people about the 3 sodas.
It is very difficult for me to go less than three sodas a day because it is so tasty--especially "Mexican Code" which contains sugar and not corn syrup. Here is my new strategy: what if I just give in to three sodas a day? Three should hold me over: zero for breakfast because it is too early for my digestive track to deal with CO2, two for lunch, and one for dinner. What if I just gave in and simply added the minimum amount of physical activity that I needed in order to cancel out the sodas to my daily routine?
After an extensive study based mostly on the first website I found after a google search, I have some numbers. Strangely enough, no one seems interesting in calculating the grams of sugar per ounce of soda. People just keep listing the exact amounts of sugar in various products. I can't remember all that! I'm just going to be standing in a restaurant picking a drink size. So I did some calculations:
Soda appears to have between 3 and 4 grams of sugar per ounce.
There are somewhere between 3.87 and 4 calories in a gram of sugar.
If we assume that I drink 3 soft drinks a day, and if we assume, for a nice upper bound, that they are each 20 oz, we get:
3 * 20 oz * 4 g/oz * 4 cal/g = 960 calories
Well, shit.
I had no idea I was taking in an extra thousand calories every day. I mean...damn. This explains a lot. Anyway. To the exercise!
I could have looked up various activities, but lets face it, you aren't going to be surprised one bit that the first and only activity I looked up was sex:
288 cal / h
That seems a bit low. Like, really low. Like people usually burn thousands during a marathon, and I think the two are comparable. But I digress. How many hours of sex do I need to make up for the soda?
960 cal * 1/288 h/cal = 3 hours of sex
I'm not going to go into detail, but you might say that some people would think that 3 hours of sex every day is a phenomenal idea, and some people think that figure is not very much fun at all.
Hmm...apparently you only burn 124 calories while running. Maybe the sex number is not that inac--hey wait a minute. 3 sodas? 3 hours of sex? Does sex burn 1 20oz soda per hour?
1 can of soda * 20oz * 4g/oz * 4cal/g * 1h/288cal = 1.11 hours
Maybe I did the math wrong but if I did that's boring so don't look at it too closely because
EVERY SODA YOU DRINK REQUIRES AN HOUR OF SEX TO WORK OFF
Think about that.
[Edit]
Ok 10 full minutes of pushups would burn a whopping....96 calories. I can't do pushups for 10 minutes.
Maybe I should make one of the sodas a diet.
[Edit]
Also: Dear Chris, the interview went well. Thanks for asking.
[Edit]
Ok Rob pointed out that actually the 124 calories is per mile. So maybe that is doable.
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