I was going to write a fake ghost story that looks like it is supposed to be scary, like with a monster ghost, until the end when the uncle of the protagonisst, a dead motorcyclist, shows up and not only beats the shit out of the monster ghost but also dismembers the monster ghost, breaks its back, rips off its head, and then pulls out the monster ghost's entrails and sets them on...on ghostfire. Then the dead motorcyclist points at the protagonist and winks and says "here's looking at you kid" (and hopefully the audience doesn't read too much into the casablanca reference...maybe it will be a dead boyfriend instead of uncle) and the last line of the story is something like "this is what I think of ghost stories." But all that sounded too similar to a story I already wrote so I didn't bother.
Speaking of stories, Game of Thrones
helped me get through the flights to philly. Did I peak your interest? NED STARK DIES. You obviously don't know who that is so just trust that I've ruined it for you. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the book, however the author did that gayass thing where they have like 7 separate plot lines all going at once, so every chapter is a cliffhanger because they switch plot lines immediately after anything interesting happens. Those of you with literary taste might remember that The Lord of the Rings did not need to abuse this base writing trick. It had like, two plot lines, at the most. Also, the guy writing this book, like, started a bunch of stuff that goes nowhere and is just heating up as the book ends--it is clear that the story is supposed to drag on through another three books, and we will probably have to read all four in order to get any closure for anything. Also, its like a soap opera. Most of the plot is talking, and most of the talking is devious lying--the kind where the reader knows the truth but has to sit back and watch as all of the stupid characters kill all of the fun characters basically with lies. The battle scenes were ok, and the sex scenes were...like the opposite of hot. Listen. If you're going to include a sex scene, well, first off, you should only include a sex scene if it is relevant to the plot like the sex scene in A History of Violence. Secondly, make it fucking hot. Not boring, or kinda gross even. Sex scenes should make the readers want to take their pants off; they should not make the reader wonder what time it is and start guessing how long until the flight is over. There was some kind of interesting stuff going on...and a lot of great ideas, but also a lot of bullshit. I'm not sure I'll read the other books or not. I bet a bunch of nerds at work all like it; I think I of heard of this "song of ice and fire" bullshit somewhere. ..... Its better than twilight.At one point it seemed like hordes of people all wanted to go to karaoke. I was debating between an 8 and a 12 person room. Then everyone flaked out and we had four. Guess what. It was still awesome. Amanda sang Rolling in the Deep almost as good as Adele herself, Matt drank enough to start singing, Adam and I sang some Evanescence, and me, Adam and Matt all sang a sort of special off-key cover of Can You Feel the Love Tonight that would make any sober person's ears bleed if they heard it. Oh, and guess who has a cover of rollin in the deep! Yeah we played some linkin park too. Then we spent $500. Maybe 6. It was bad. Turns out the bottles of wine we kept re-ordering were $30 each. It was worth it. Also, Amanda totally loved it, and I think she has the charisma to get people off their lazy asses and into the city. Seriously, if I spend $1000 and a third of my vacation to travel 3000 miles to hang out on the east coast, would it kill you to travel 40 miles to come into the city? Or at least respond to a facebook message...I get really creeped out when people ignore me on facebook and then act like they are happy to see me when we end up at the same party in real life. Whatever. So, the plan next time is we are going to pregame in my hotel room (or kev's place and ride the train) and then maybe get a room during those hours that the room is free if you buy enough drinks. Also, we will eat food during the pregaming. Also...ok that is it.
Chris pointed this little gem out to me and explained that it inspired an epic furor on the internet that I never heard about: http://gizmodo.com/5833787/my-
Yeah. Thats why girls suck. That is also why I don't play magic or D&D. Though I have no love for the author of that piece, the words she writes are not lies, and the fact that she admits what many know to be true is probably insufficient cause for persecution. Yes: it totally sucks when hot girls judge you because you play some card game, and yes: the world should not be like that. But guess what. Girls do judge you because you play some card game, or because you don't hate the same religion, or because you are a programmer. Thats the way it is, and bitching about it will probably not get you laid. So lets fix it. My personal strategy is three or four or maybe five pronged. First, there are like a million things I'm interested in. Like, I'd really like to learn how to juggle, right? Just never got around to it because there are so many other things in this world that I also want to learn, and my juggling experiment with the soup cans could have gone better. So if you have one activity, such as becoming a world-class Starcraft2 player, which, in America, has no sex appeal and does not involve meeting many girls, well, that activity just has to get de-prioritized in the face of things I love with sex appeal--motorcycles--and things I love that involve meeting girls--salsa. That was the long winded way of saying "step 1: don't be a fucking magic or D&D nerd." Because if I had just said that, you'd think I was an asshole. The second thing...step 2....actually step 1 mostly covered it. I guess step 2 is don't be a fucking nerd. I'm not saying don't be smart and passionate about cool shit like programming. In my opinion, mathematics is as awesome as being a fighter pilot, and there's no shame is having passion for either of them. There is shame is acting like a nerd, in having long-guy-hippie-hair (i.e. guys with long hair that dont take care of it), in treating girls like they are aliens, in being super awkward, in creating yet another "us and them" atmosphere and using technical jargon in conversations with people who don't have a technical background, in covering one's fatass belly under gay shirts with messages written "in binary" even though its actually a textual representation of the binary encoding of an ASCII file, and in watching the show Big Bang Theory, and in making stupid jokes that aren't funny but after which you pause anyway expecting people to laugh. I would wager you could have any hobby you wanted, and when you finally get a date with the one well-adjusted girl on okcupid, you would both have a good time. Especially if you don't take her to some weird show that hipsters probably like. There is this sort of board game called Warhammer...and then I talk about the space marines...lets just be done with this paragraph. That reminds me, I've going to try to find a chorus to join--someone told me there are lots of girls in those, and I like to sing.
Karaoke...oh yeah the wedding. So, I kind of felt like I was going to pass out at this wedding also. I think I'm allergic to weddings? My other theory is that I always get lightheaded or sleepy 2 hours after ingesting caffeine. I'm going to have to do some experiments to find out. A family situation of moderate urgency (which is now resolved) forced me to reveal the somewhat broken nature of my heart to my inner family. I'm going to pay for that later with all the questions I'll have to deal with, but at least I can stop dodging questions about why I don't fly anymore.
Back to the wedding. I felt, and sounded a bit like a wedding crasher. Thats probably a habit I should curb. The ceremony was nice. Some guy sung something called "The Lords Prayer." What you need to know about "The Lords Prayer" is that it is not, and should never be, a song. Maybe a rap. Something like "give us this day our daily bread so i can feed all these bitches from the club last night. I'm so holy, bullets go right through me. Forgive us our trespasses, 'cause I'll tresspass all over your shit, bitch." That's what I think of most rap songs. Anyway, I wasn't seated with any of the 3 people I knew there, which I think I had been warned about. I was with some people who were cool but who were all married with kids and left early. Then it was just me and a dance floor and crappy hip hop music. There were two girls that reminded me of my nieces. I tried to dance with one of them, and she ran away. One of my friends may have gotten a picture of her running from me, which would honestly make it worth it. Before the night was over I got a salsa dance in with Nicole, who despite not dancing for so long still rivals the girls I dance with now...also Pink Shirt Girl is probably a tad better.
I may have to finally give up my PA license. I didn't realize that you had to renew your license online, and then wait 10 days for this other thing in the mail before you can renew it. My license is going to expire before my next trip home. I had been boycotting WA because I've heard that you have to take a written test to get their ugly-ass license, and taking a test in a state with drivers that stupid hurts my ego. But, since my ego is not a state-issued photo id, it loses this round. Seriously, though, I don't want to be a Washington driver. I want no part of their disgusting mess.
Kevin has an entrepreneurial idea involving coffee. Might get involved with that. I just severed involvement with some people who were building a social networking phone app using a Microsoft SOA (service oriented architecture) framework that, of course, only works with other Microsoft shit, and can only be programmed in Windows, the operating system that exists to allow me to play Starcraft. I mentioned my waning desire to "boot up my starcraft partition" in my farewell email, so they probably won't be interested in collaborating with me ever again. Probably no love lost there...this one guy would like just read Microsoft "whitepapers" which based on what I read over his shoulder, appear too be fact-less bromides written for people who don't know how to read RFCs. We got in an argument. He claimed that this microsoft whitepaper claimed that if we used https, the message would get decrypted by what the whitepaper called an "intermediary." No one in the room knew what the whitepaper meant by "intermediary" and despite the fact that his interpretation of that undefined word was material to our disagreement everyone seemed to think that arguing about it without looking up any other references would be a great use of our time. I tried to get them to pull up the original RFCs for https, but it was like pulling teeth...perhaps rightly so: the RFCs were very lengthy, and it would have taken probably hours of studying them, and also a reference book on software security engineering, in order to prove constructively that the ssl/https connections that google, yahoo, facebook, and like every other website in the world, rely on for their login pages, would be secure enough for the login page of the prototype of our phone-based videogame. I forget which microsoft product we were supposed to use instead...it probably involved XML (please refer to the paragraph where I whine about nerds using technical jargon at the wrong audience).
This paragraph is for going on and on about whether I should move back to philly or not.
[Edit]
That second to last paragraph, about the microsofts, actually put me to sleep. So thats a cool way to get yourself to bed on time.
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