All We Have to Decide...

All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us.

--Gandalf the Grey

I made another move on Hot Lego Girl.  It was poorly timed and poorly executed, but this was one of those rare cases where I believe doing it poorly was better than not doing it at all.  She did the typical girl thing;  said she wasn't sure if she wanted to be more than friends and she was still thinking about it.  Yet another line I've never heard before;  I have no idea if that's true or more girl bullshit.

There is nothing I can do now.  I'm basically just standing there, watching her hold a gun to my throat, waiting to see if she pulls the trigger.

Probably a good learning experience, at least.  Like I never expected this to happen.

Despite the fact that I have plenty of physical energy, I am plagued by some deep, non-physiological exhaustion that I don't understand.  I have grand girl-meeting schemes in my head involving parties and bars and dancing and not an ounce of drive, motivation, or energy to implement them.  I mulled over possible solutions during our boring-ass team meeting today.  One solution is to become a cold and heartless bastard, a robot that can somehow meet girls without becoming emotionally invested in anyone.  That has its drawbacks, and would be difficult;  I typically pour everything I have into these attempts.  Another option is to find a quick way to recharge, and for that, I'm coming back around to the sportbike.  Despite the fact that I seriously don't feel like doing anything right now, the desire to hop on a ninja and feel the throttle twist in my hand again runs deeper than all of that.  I don't know when I first saw motorcycles, but I must have been pretty young.

I am going to move up my plans to get another sportbike, and investigate how much I can get along without girls.  I'm not sure how to measure that.  An obvious approach would be to measure this post-rejection lull I feel, with and without a sportbike to fall back to, but the emotional fallout I encounter after hearing the Just Friends line never has the same magnitude--its different with every girl.

Another possible measure is to see if I can achieve that sort of nirvana-like feeling I've gotten every time I've falsely believed I had made it with one of the girls I'd fallen in love with--like the one time I kissed Laura.  Being happy again, with just a sportbike and without some current girl in the picture--thats a possibility.  I'm doubtful that even a sportbike is exciting enough.

Yet another possibility is inspired by my experiences with the traffic cops:  I reached a point where I got pulled over and felt nothing--my fear of cops had simply vanished.  What if I can reach a similar point with girls?  What if the next time a girl I'm totally into flushes me down the Just Friends drain, I simply didn't give a shit, because my 600cc ninja never has a headache and is always in the mood to tear up some highways?  Again, that's a rather high bar for an inanimate object to fill;  nothing can truly replace girls. In fact, I have little faith that I can conduct this experiment rigorously, but if you have any ideas, please don't hesitate to drop me a note.

Here's a parting thought:  when you redline a bike 10 times, it doesn't text you later saying it just wants to be friends.


[Edit]
Tried to install Arch Linux today.  It installed fine on the 3rd try.  Only problem is that it wont boot.
On the bright side, I learned how to fix Window's time problem.  So at least my hardware clock is running in UTC.