The Race in the Machine

It is wiser to find out than suppose.

-Mark Twain

 

 

I may be in Lansdale come early May.  My business there is somewhat private, suffice to say I'm thinking about riding back to Seattle on a sportbike.  At this point it may or may not happen, but I'm fairly serious about it.  The plans are in stage 2.  What's stage 2?  I have no idea because I just made it up, but its way more serious than stage 1.

 

So.

Ninja Mode

It is 2817 statue miles from Lansdale, PA to Seattle, WA.  Google maps thinks it will take me 45 hours.  A superbike could probably make it in 18 hours.  Realistically, if I could maintain an average speed of 120 mph, I could do it in 23.5 hours, if I didn't have to stop for gas, food, and sleep.  Just thinking about doing it this way excites me.  If only I was really Biff Becker.

 

Could I do this?  The biggest thing to tackle would be whether or not I can safely ingest enough caffeine to make it without falling asleep.  After that, I would worry about where I'm going to be during the daytime (traffic will make it difficult and dangerous to maintain 120 mph), and then about cops, then gas, food, physical exhaustion and hypothermia, and engine overheating, in that order.

Road Trip Mode

I have been wanting to visit other cities for a while now.  It is one of the things I haven't gotten to do because of all those weddings I kept complaining about.  It would take a week to do it this way, but I think I'll be willing to sacrifice the necessary vacation time for this.  I've read that you shouldn't ride for more than 6 hours in a shot, and after a couple 4 hour rides, I'm inclined to agree.  Here is some distance data, broken down by cities I might stay the night.  The times are google estimates;  google seems to use somewhere around 63 mph-ish.  Even on a 250 I could do 90 on highways, so times may be overestimates.

Lansdale to Hershey:  2h

Lansdale to Cleveland, OH: 7h

Cleveland to Chicago, IL: 5.5h

Chicago to Minneapolis: 7.5h

Minneapolis to Seattle: 27h

(thinking of possibly doing a blitz where I just ride all day, pull over and sleep on the highway)

Minneapolis to Bismark, ND: 7h

Bismark, ND to Billings: 6.5h

Billings to Spokane, WA: 9h

Spokane to Seattle:  a paltry 5h

Route: 80, 39, 94, 90.

I would like to be able to leave either from a party Saturday night, or, unlikely, Sunday morning, or, highly unlikely, Sunday afternoon.  In fact, If I'm still there Sunday afternoon I expect I've have found something far more exciting than a little road trip.  But I digress.

It looks like I have about 7 destinations.  That puts me back in Seattle by Friday night, giving me two extra days for emergencies and adventures.  I want to go out in each city I stop in.  Hopefuly in Chicago and maybe Cleveland I'll be able to find a salsa scene.  In the other cities, hopefully I will have craigslist or some other means of getting into trouble.  I don't know.

If I was Wolverine, this would be the end of my plans.  In fact, if I was Wolverine, I would probably just hop on a stolen motorcycle and go.  However, If I was Wolverine, well, I wouldn't die, etc.  I think he gets away with a lot just because he can walk in front of a bus and not even feel achy ten minutes later.  Just sayin.

Since I'm not wolverine, I need to plan this out a little.  Here are....

 

Potential Problems

Money.  Acquiring a motorcycle.  The MSRP for a new Ninja 600 is like $7,000-$8,000.  The new ninjas kind of suck anyway, because they have a digital panel that looks retarded.  Needless to say, thats a bit steep.  My best idea so far is to show up in philly and troll craigslist for some good used deals.  I did a quick search today and found two postings in the $3,000-ish range, one of which was actually in Lansdale.  My fallback could always be to buy one new.  There's also the problem of getting the money.

Snow.  Mountains.  This will be in May.  As I just discovered yesterday (Saturday) when I took a girl up to Mt Rainier for what I incorectly assumed would be an easy stroll through packed snow that doesn't swallow your entire leg, mountains still have a ton of snow.  If that is true in may, I am going to have serious problems.  Either I will have to somehow equip a motorcycle for snow, or I'll be finding a long way 'round.

Caffeine.  I hate to admit it, but I can get pretty sleepy on long trips;  moreso than the average person sometimes.  I need to find out how many mg of caffeine I can take without inducing tachycardia.  I'm tempted to employ binary search, but that might kill me.

Cops.  There is a reason they don't do the canonball run anymore.  The most reliable method of detecting cops, in my opinion, is constant vigilance, but even that is never foolproof.  I think I can expect to get pulled over, and I'm planning to go fast enough to qualify for an instant arrest.  In the unlikely event that this occurs, I am going to want to do something to my fingerprints to prevent them from getting a good read, and, if I can, a fake tattoo, and, possibly, color-changing contacts, and maybe even a hair color change.  Yes, I think dying my hair blonde in a gas station restroom will add a nice touce to the story.  I will consult with friends as to the best hair color.  I don't know what other information is included in an arrest booking, so I don't know what else to pre-emptively corrupt.  I'm going to need my real drivers license, which is unfortunate.

Sleeping outside.  How realistic is this idea, given May temperatures in that region?  How much equipment?

What to pack.  I'm going to have a back pack and possibly a storage net over the bitch seat.  That's it, for the entire trip.  Can probably get away with two sets of clothing, and wash them at motels.  Maybe a book to read while doing laundry.  What book does a road ninja read?  The Catcher in the Rye?  Gullivers Travels?  The Bible?  Dangerous Liasons?  Pulp fiction from the 50s?  Stephen King?  Some cute midwest girl might walk up while I'm kickin it on a folding chair at the coin-op machine.  The book in my hand is everything.

Breakdowns and directions.  Need to know who to call if the bike breaks down, especially if I buy it used.  Should also learn how to change the oil, if its new.  Need to know where I'm going; maybe get maps of every city.  Can you put maps on a kindle?  Maybe I would get a kindle for that.  Oh, or I could break down and buy a smartphone.  Yeah....

 

Leaning the engine.  Might want to adjust the air-fuel ratio when I am at altitude.  I have no idea how to do that to a motorcycle.

HUD.  It would be nice if my helmet had a heads-up display.  Just sayin.

That's all I have for now.  There is a good chance this won't happen at all, but if you, dear reader, have a motorcycle and are interested in a little road trip, even if only for part of the way, don't hesitate to contact me.